Monday, April 20, 2009

Obsessive-Compulsive Gift

Monday, April 20, 2009

It is funny how six months before the trip she already had the whole thing planned, memorized, analyzed and organized, to the most excruciating detail - the names of streets, piers and bus and train stops, their distance from each other, how much the fare is from one stop to another, the countless places to stay along with the various reviews written about them, what to do, where to go, when to go, how to go there, the reason to go there, how long it takes to go there, what to where, what not to where, what to say, how to say it, and for every contingency, what to do and where to call. Like a person preparing for her make-or-break graduate school comprehensive examinations, she read, did intensive research, took down lots of notes and committed everything to memory. 

She is one crazy girl, as most believe her to be. 

Obsessed with ritual and order, her mind assiduously searches for connection and coherence, though most of the time there is none. Looking at the world in some refracted way, she takes every single thing apart to such an insane extent and overanalyzes everything till there is nothing left to analyze. She does not let up until she has understood all the subtleties and integuments of an argument. She does scene-by-scene analyses of films, chapter-by-chapter analyses of books, and line-by-line analyses of songs just to capture their essence and satisfy her mind’s demands. 

Her fixation with perfection can be terribly annoying and harshly limiting, if not slightly destructive. It makes her grossly critical of things that do not pass her “standards” and highly intolerant of what she perceives as ‘mediocrity’. With her peace of mind hinged on things being in their proper places, she forgets that, oftentimes, there is order in disarray and beauty in imperfection. 

It sounds really crazy, even scary, but that’s exactly how she goes through life. Painfully aware of and duly chastened by her obsessive compulsive tendencies, she is resolved to look at it as a gift, and not a disorder, an aberration, or a curse as it appears to some. She struggles to rein her obsessive compulsions in and use them for more productive ends.

How else can she deal with it? How else can we deal with our complicated and conflicted selves?


mordsith said...

I cannot say I understand what people with OC have been going through in their daily lives, but I reckon it's one tough life. your post reminds me of John Nash and how he brilliantly solved his puzzle and dealt with his "self."

d_d_d said...

she is doing well... very well.

Anonymous said...

Well sounds to me like that's just the kind of talented individual that got the Apollo program up and running at NASA. Attention to detail was so important and still is given the enormity of the disasters that occur when just one solitary detail is overlooked.

However to seek respite for such an over-active mind one needs do no more than take the advice from God: Be still, and know that I Am.

It works every time.

Anonymous said...

you even know that the skytrain door opens on the right side at sala daeng station; number of manholes in silom village and why manholes are round. :)

artemis said...

you have a strong virgo influence, and also scorpio.. :-)

Amelia said...

it is sometimes interesting to know that we have such gift but often times this will also puts us in a certain situation that we feel distress if we were not able to see things coming. unable to meet all those standards that we set, it frustrates a person.

but at least that person acknowledges that fact that she has this "gift" so she put it in a positive note....

Anonymous said...

Since someone suggested that you take advice from god, let me share one of the ten tablets Mosey received atop Mount Salsa from the creator (FMS). This is the 7th I'd Rather You Didn't's.

"I'd really rather you didn't go around telling people I talk to you. You're not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can't you take a hint?"

By the way clumsy Mosey drop two tablets on the way down the mountain. You guessed it there are only 8 I'd Rather You Didn't's. :)

Anonymous said...

@artemis OC is 'bad feng shui'. :)

jacqueline said...

OC-ness can get a lot of things done correctly... and can surely avoid mishaps. :)

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