Monday, November 19, 2007

Eleven Years Ago

Monday, November 19, 2007

I was reading my journal written eleven years ago. I could not believe how obsessed I was about grades and exams and being a “good student”. One entry goes like this.

December 13, 1996, 6:54 AM

I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like throwing up. I’m so out of sleep that I feel like killing somebody, anybody. Or maybe I’ll just kill myself instead. These past few nights, I’ve been studying like hell but my exams were so damn difficult! That’s why I realized that all those precious hours I spent reading and reading and rereading were all useless. Why do teachers have to make excruciatingly hard exams anyway? To make students like us suffer? To test our “intelligence”? This is not learning; this is torture – intellectual, physical, emotional torture. Oh shit! How I hate exams! I know I don’t have to perfect scores and high grades all the time. But still, grades are so important. Sometimes I wish I’m not like this. Am I missing anything important by being like this instead of just being like any other student who doesn’t give a shit? I can’t answer this right now. Maybe later.

What’s funny is that I think I haven’t changed at all.


kayni said...

I've never thought that you'd worry about grades back then. I mean, you are very intelligent and kahit nga hindi ka mag-study eh "uno" pa rin ang grade mo. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Angeli said...

kayni, kung alam mo lang.. i hardly sleep just to maintain those "unos". :)

Daddo said...

Penalties for good grades - lack of sleep. Penalties for good sex - kids.

Angeli said...

you are so funny. :)

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