Sunday, December 30, 2007

happy 2008!

Sunday, December 30, 2007

To Angel, Carla, Daddo, Hazel, Leah, Ima, Jac, Jennifer, Kayni, Niel, Nina, Temporal Fixity and all of my other readers, thank you for making muffled solitude a daily habit. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It was a good year for me. May 2008 be a great year for all of us!

Happy 2008 everyall!!!

Saturday, December 29, 2007


Saturday, December 29, 2007

What are you? Do you know? What you are is you're always trying to smooth everything over. What you are is always trying to be moderate. What you are is never telling the truth if you think it's going to hurt somebody's feelings. What you are is you're always compromising. What you are is always trying to find the bright side of things. The one with the manners. The one who abides everything patiently. The one with the ultimate decorum. The boy who never breaks the code. Whatever society dictates you do. Decorum. Decorum is what you spit in the face of.

- Philip Roth, American Pastoral, 1997

Friday, December 28, 2007

A Scalding Hot Bath

Friday, December 28, 2007

What was it? It was more of an addiction than love - a scalding hot bath that i thought was soothingly warm but, in reality, is scorching me and melting away my person.

Sunday, December 23, 2007


Sunday, December 23, 2007

How do you strip them of the skepticism and cynicism that harden their hearts, cloud their views and cover their souls like barnacles? Do you let them keep their preconceived notions or do you feel the need to right their wrong beliefs? How do you shield yourself and your girl from all the assault? How do you keep them from bastardizing her person? Trying to defend what you have with her, is it merely a systematization of futility?

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Queen of the Night

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Last night felt like prom night all over again. But unlike before, all of those adolescent angst is gone, replaced by the attitude to just seize the night and have fun! And what is surprising is how on earth this former high school wallflower has been crowned as the queen of the night! Them judges must be crazy or something...

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Things That I Miss

Thursday, December 20, 2007
  • Hanging out with the Pilak Girls
  • Road runs
  • The 20 minute bus ride to PMA where from the window, all you can see are rows and rows of pine trees
  • Looking at mountains abloom with sunflowers, a.k.a. marapait
  • The mildewy smell of our house in Baguio
  • Studying my ass off for an exam
  • The local inihaw na mais – not those Japanese ones
  • Fog
  • Binatog with evaporated milk and sugar
  • Intellectual orgies with my classmates
  • Wearing turtlenecks, mufflers and bonnets
  • Fixing my sister’s hair before she goes to school
  • Traditional, handwritten love letters
  • My grandmother's cooking
  • Attending the numerous parties (a.k.a. fiesta) at Jen’s place where even the barangay’s basketball court couldn’t accommodate all the guests
  • Sans rival
  • Going through my mother’s books to find a good read
  • Reading real newspapers, not the online version
  • Going to the movies
  • Singing in the choir
  • Benguet coffee, brewed
  • Chicken mami loaded with paminta and paired with siopao at Sunshine Lunch
  • The Panagpagna Festival

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The Effort to Look Effortlessly Striking

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The pains us ladies take to be aesthetically pleasing and our efforts to look effortlessly striking can be downright ludicrous. We are having our company Christmas Ball on Friday and us girls are going gaga over what dress we'd wear as well as the matching shoes and accoutrements - necessary and unnecessary - that would complete our look. We obsess about having our hair, nails, and makeup done to perfection. Them boys, being boys, could not care less.

Imagine the dilemma we are facing: will she wear the maroon, corset-inspired gown or the forest green, backless, velvet halter; do I wear the pink and gold, sweet-sixteen number or the vampy, cleavage-baring, little black dress; does she wear the aubergine gown with the matching shawl or the more conservative peach?
Will it be the strappy stilettos or the classy pumps?

Oh, what a perplexing yet ridiculous situation we put ourselves in!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007


Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Instead of participating in the holiday festivities, I plan to hibernate and live reclusively this coming Christmas break. For eight days, I will lock myself up in my flat to avoid - as much as possible – the holiday rush, the jostling crowd, my mother’s incessant visitors, the bingeing, the excessive partying, and virtually all signs of life.

For animals, the purpose of hibernation is to conserve energy during the lean months of winter. The same goes for me. From my hibernation and seclusion, I hope to emerge renewed, refreshed and revitalized.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Pogi points dropping a few more rungs

Monday, December 17, 2007

What is it with men whose cockiness and pomposity feed on the delusion that they’re god’s gift to women? So what If they look good in body-hugging, muscle-defining shirts? Is there anything else they’ve got to offer? Trying to impress the ladies, all the time, just won’t do the trick. It will just make your pogi points drop a few more rungs. Try admitting to screwing up, once in a while – that would get their attention more.

Or try to not presume that just because you are attracted to her, she is also attracted to you. It doesn’t work that way, buddy. Or perhaps you can avoid - one, using polysyllabic words if you do not know exactly what they mean and two, pretending that you’ve read books that you and I both know you have no idea about.

Dropping all that ostentation will probably earn you some pogi points.

Friday, December 14, 2007

"like an idealistic woman trapped in an ideal world"

Friday, December 14, 2007

I was chatting with a friend yesterday, catching up on what’s going on in each other’s lives. He said that he frequently visits this page. I asked him, “So how do you find it?” He replied, “Reads like an idealistic woman trapped in an ideal world. You are an idealist.” Am I, really? It may sound absurd but I do believe in the ideal; perhaps it shouldn't be so, but I am still guided by ideals.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

whatever happened to the 4-kilometer roadrunner?

Thursday, December 13, 2007

She has turned into a 30-year old, lazy shrew whose only form or exercise is walking from home to work and back; who has less tolerance and capacity for physical discomfort; who has gained self-acceptance, made peace with her flabs and ceased to torture herself with strenuous exercise just to lose weight; who needs to sit down and rest her aching feet from merely a few hours of malling; who no longer sparkles with the light of childhood exuberance but still glows with muted vivacity; and who is now contemplating a career in sumo wrestling.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

golf, a hundred thousand years ago

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

still counting the days

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

piman nga lakay

Tuesday, December 11, 2007
“It was inevitable: the scent of bitter almonds always reminded him of the fate of unrequited love.” (Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Love in the Time of Cholera)

Adda pimpiman nga lakay ditoy opisina mi. Adda ayayaten na nga balasang nga naububing kinyana. Aminen ket inaramidna tapno laeng maalana ti puso diay balasang. Ngem, awan latta. Maararyek diay balasang kanyana. Piman nga talaga. Agsangsangit isuna idi nagsao kami nga duwwa. Dinamagnak nu ania ti aramidenna. Inbagak ti pudno, uray nga nasakit. Kunak ket madina kiniam; Awan maaramidmon. Agrasak ken agyamanka laengen ta naamoam isuna ken kinuldingna ti biag mo.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Wedding March

Monday, December 10, 2007

Listening to Wagner’s Wedding March from Lohengrin, I can’t help but think about all the wedding bustle going on around me – my younger sister getting married in a few weeks, a close friend tying the knot in January, conversations revolving around licenses, menus and guest lists, the frenzy about the perfect white dress.

Shouldn’t preparations be done for the marriage itself and not just for the wedding? Must the focus be on the wedding march, or should it be on the couple’s journey towards oneness, instead?

Will matrimony ever be more than merely an intangible abstraction for me? Will I ever march down the aisle with Wagner’s famous piece playing in the background?

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Cognitive Dissonance

Saturday, December 8, 2007

The burden isn’t either/or, or consciously choosing from possibilities equally difficult and regrettable – it’s and/and/and/and/and as well. Life is and: the accidental and the immutable, the elusive and the graspable, the bizarre and the predictable, the actual and the potential, all the multiplying realities, entangled, overlapping, colliding, conjoined – plus the multiplying illusions! This times this times this times this… Is an intelligent human being likely to be much more than a large-scale manufacturer of misunderstanding?” (Philip Roth, The Counterlife, 1986)

Cognitive dissonance - the internal turmoil we experience when we hold incongruous thoughts, values, beliefs, knowledge, and emotions all at the same time – everyone suffers from it, for various reasons and at varying degrees. By nature, people do not want to have feelings or thoughts that battle against each other. Aversion towards cognitive dissonance is sometimes the reason why people tend to be close-minded, and oppose new ideas and counter-arguments.

Though people may find it unpleasant, cognitive dissonance is an instrument for learning and change. By forcing people to react and confront their conflicting cognitions, it encourages a modification in thoughts, beliefs and values and induces behavior or attitude change.

Cognitive dissonance is one of life’s inescapable realities. The important thing, therefore, is not how we can avoid it but how we deal with it.

So, how do you deal with cognitive dissonance?

Friday, December 7, 2007

beneath, behind, above, beyond and below

Friday, December 7, 2007

Beneath his irreverence and audacity, I saw truth, authenticity and principle. Behind those glasses are eyes that have seen a lot but remain luminous and non-judgmental. Above material comforts, he is propelled by his longings for love, thirst for knowledge and compassion for those who suffer; Beyond the self-deprecation is an undeniable depth of intellect and a lucid understanding of the terms of life; Below the callous exterior I see a man, so loving, so brave and honest that he can reveal the insecure and unformed aspects of his person and risk everything to be able to love again.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

what do you do?

Thursday, December 6, 2007

When you thought that you were through with tears and bone-crushing pain, then old feelings suddenly come rushing in and old ghosts appear, what do you do? When your security net is yanked out from under you, leaving you dazed and breathless, what do you do? When you have stripped yourself naked and made yourself vulnerable, believing that you will be understood but you weren’t, what do you do? When your gut-wrenching honesty is met only by an inscrutable silence, what do you do? When the one person you need for solace cannot be physically there for you, what do you do? When you have taught yourself to be content with little but you find yourself aching for more, what do you do?

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

are you a perfectionist?

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Are you a perfectionist? Do you aim for perfection and excellence in everything, all the time? Can you not stand mediocrity?

According to some researches cited in an article from the Times, there are three types of perfectionists:

  • Self-oriented strivers who struggle to live up to their high standards and appear to be at risk of self-critical depression;
  • Outwardly focused zealots who expect perfection from others, often ruining relationships; and
  • Those desperate to live up to an ideal they’re convinced others expect of them, a risk factor for suicidal thinking and eating disorders.

Which among the three are you?

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

they resolved to wait and be patient

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

“…there already glowed the light of the renewed future, resurrection to a new life. Love resurrected them; the heart of one contained infinite sources of life for the heart of the other. They resolved to wait and be patient…. And until then, how much unbearable pain, what infinite happiness!”

- Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment, 1866

Monday, December 3, 2007

December Has Come

Monday, December 3, 2007

Once December sets in, there are changes – some almost imperceptible, others quite apparent - that can be seen and felt. Nights are nippier; Hearts are afire with hope, gratitude and cheer; Children are bursting with anticipation for the holiday treats that they’d receive; Adults are looking forward to the much-needed vacation and family time, the partying, and the year-end bonuses; Dazzling lights and spectacular displays can be seen everywhere, reminding everyone that Christmas is just around the corner. Suddenly, there is this strong impulse to buy, buy and buy as if there is no more tomorrow.

In the midst of this thick, exuberant air pervading the whole country are some people who feel extra morose and anti-festive. Their inner melancholia surfaces during this time of the year. For them, December is not a time for celebration but of reckoning. What have you done for the past year? Was it enough? Have you accomplished anything worthwhile? Some do not welcome the coming of the New Year. Instead, they are solicitous and a bit despondent about the future. What will the new year bring us? Another year of sorrow? Will it ever get any better? For others, the holiday season illuminates and emphasizes their lonesomeness. It heightens the need to love and be loved in return.

Concealed from everyone else, I, myself, used to feel despondent, lonesome and apprehensive whenever December comes. But not anymore. The internal bleeding of my melancholia has been staunched and my solitude, muffled.

ho ho ho!

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Curly Hair

Saturday, December 1, 2007

I was alone at my mother's house in Cavite, waiting for my sister to arrive from school. Having finished the book i'm reading, i sat down to watch (for the nth time) Pretty Woman. I couldn't help but admire Julia Roberts' untamed, vibrant, red curls. As if beckoning me, there I saw the hair rollers lying on top of the table. Smiling, I said to myself, "why not?"

After four hours, I removed them rollers from my hair, prepared to be shocked. The result is hilarious! So this is how it feels to have curly hair. My sister's reaction when she saw me was, "para kang may popcorn sa ulo." Then we started laughing our butts off.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Rethinking Foreign Aid

Thursday, November 29, 2007

There is no denying the importance of international organizations for creating a more just economic order and the pivotal role that aid plays in development. Again we must ask: To what extent is the role of international organizations in bringing about development outcomes such as equity and social justice and what are the fundamental motives of these organizations in giving aid? As argued by Sen (1999: 123): “individuals live and operate in a world of institutions, many of which operate across borders. Our opportunities and prospects depend crucially on what institutions exist and how they function.” There is a need, therefore, to examine the functions and motivations of these international aid-giving institutions.

Aid from international organizations (bilateral or multilateral) can advance human welfare and social justice through: 1) allowing recipients to increase consumption and investment; 2) improving the provision of basic services such as health and education; 3) extending social insurance; 4) supporting reconstruction in conflict areas; and 5) building global health challenges. (Human Development Report 2005) Moreover, donor organizations can influence the broader policy environments under which development projects and programs are designed and implemented, in ways that can either facilitate or obstruct processes of promoting poverty alleviation and human development. Foreign aid can make the greatest contribution where the institutions and policies are ‘right.’ Foreign aid donors selectively reward strong reformers and those that meet the necessary conditions the aid entails for the argument is that aid is only effective in countries with good’ policy environments, in terms of fiscal stability, low inflation rates and open markets.

The collapse of the Soviet Union and the Berlin Wall and the end of the Cold War has stimulated a rethinking of development aid and pushed for the revamping of the aid agenda as manifested in the creation of the United Nations Millennium Development Goals. However, aid distortions and issues related to strategic donor behavior and realpolitik still exist. A multitude of factors have diminished the impact of aid on development – cold war politics, the use of aid to promote commercial objectives in donor countries, aid and loan conditionalities, the absence of effective national poverty reduction strategies, corruption and economic mismanagement. A study by Alesina (2000) using OECD-DAC data from Nordic countries, covering the period of 1970 to 1994 confirms that the foreign policy goals of donor organizations continue to be the most important motive for giving aid. The pattern of aid-giving is dictated mainly by political and strategic factors instead of economic needs and policy performance of recipient countries. The strategic behavior of donor organizations, policy prescriptions and loan conditionalities in particular, even further underpins unequal power relationships among countries.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

thread through the labyrinth

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

“Our love has been the thread through the labyrinth, the net under the high-wire walker, the only real thing in this strange life of mine that I could ever trust. Tonight I feel that my love for you has more density in this world than I do, myself: as though it could linger on after me and surround you, keep you, hold you.”

Audrey Niffenegger,
The Time Traveler’s Wife

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Voluntary Solitary Confinement

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

I have a friend who cannot stand to be alone. She always asks me to have my phone by my side every weekend, in case she needs a towerblock to lean on. I asked her what about solitude that she hates. She said that when she’s alone, she’s forced to confront herself and her thoughts. Isn’t time alone with ourselves a welcome relief, instead? Most of our waking time is spent with others. Isn’t it refreshing to be left alone, once in a while?

Alone time for me is a luxury. My solitary confinement is voluntary. It’s the only time I can carry out an honest conversation with myself; it’s when I can do things enjoyed only in solitude - like reading, writing and dreaming.

Being alone does not indicate thinness of existence. What we do in solitary gives color, vibrance and texture to our existence. Our capacity for solitude is what sustains our ability to deliver ourselves fully to another person.

Monday, November 26, 2007

work gone bad

Monday, November 26, 2007

Why do I have to receive flack for somebody else’s mistake? Do I have to always pick up the trash of somebody who cannot clean up his act? After fourteen hours of toil, you still blamed me for somebody else’s work gone bad.

Seeing the results, tell me, did i or did i not do my job?

Sunday, November 25, 2007

different stories

Sunday, November 25, 2007

We used to be inseparable, my dear. You weren't just a friend to me. You were my sister. Have we grown apart? I think not. Everyday, somebody from Akron, Ohio visits my page. I know it's you. Who else from that faraway place would be interested in what's happening with my life?

Remember, we used to dream of this, “sana kapag magkita tayo, iba naman ang pag-usapan natin.” I think it's different with me, now. When we meet again, the stories I'd tell you would be about another man and other things. The sob stories would be replaced by happy ones. And I know, yours would be different, too.

Things have changed. We really are getting old, mare.

Friday, November 23, 2007

two crazies speaking their own language

Friday, November 23, 2007

Thursday, November 22, 2007

online dating

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Your happiness is inextricably intertwined with mine; your pain, unvoiced but not hidden, I can feel. Our relationship, founded on both likeness and disparity, proceeds smoothly over distance. We were put to test but remained together. Our love, though seemingly unnatural and tremendously unconventional, involves a certain balance of insane clarity and ferocious calm. You and I - we are one.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

pictures, pictures, pictures

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Monday, November 19, 2007

Eleven Years Ago

Monday, November 19, 2007

I was reading my journal written eleven years ago. I could not believe how obsessed I was about grades and exams and being a “good student”. One entry goes like this.

December 13, 1996, 6:54 AM

I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like throwing up. I’m so out of sleep that I feel like killing somebody, anybody. Or maybe I’ll just kill myself instead. These past few nights, I’ve been studying like hell but my exams were so damn difficult! That’s why I realized that all those precious hours I spent reading and reading and rereading were all useless. Why do teachers have to make excruciatingly hard exams anyway? To make students like us suffer? To test our “intelligence”? This is not learning; this is torture – intellectual, physical, emotional torture. Oh shit! How I hate exams! I know I don’t have to perfect scores and high grades all the time. But still, grades are so important. Sometimes I wish I’m not like this. Am I missing anything important by being like this instead of just being like any other student who doesn’t give a shit? I can’t answer this right now. Maybe later.

What’s funny is that I think I haven’t changed at all.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

If versus When

Saturday, November 17, 2007

How I hate the word if. It implies conditions, stipulations, suppositions, restrictions, low probabilities, uncertainty, and indecisiveness. So why use if when you can use when?

Friday, November 16, 2007

too examined life

Friday, November 16, 2007

We have been taught Socrates’ dictum: the unexamined life is not worth living. However, the too examined life is not worth living, either.

Hegel and Marx advocated historical self-consciousness; Freud introduced psychological self-consciousness; literary self-consciousness is prevalent in most contemporary fiction. We question everything. We seek for answers but in our pursuit, the only thing we find out is that there is no solace to be found in endless, vertiginous examination. By the time we finally get answers to our questions, we find out that there are more questions that do not have answers or do not even have to be asked. We get lost in a labyrinth of questions; we forget that things can be simple, too.

Beyond the why, why not, how, what might have been, what could have been and what should have been is a life worth living.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

act like a man (crushed like a cockroach)

Thursday, November 15, 2007

It has been more than a year now. Still you are avoiding her deliberately. And when it becomes absolutely necessary to face her, you cannot bring yourself to talk to her without stuttering or avoiding her eyes. For once in your life, act like a man.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

who says you can't have both?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Who says you can’t have both – a good career and a great family life? One of my closest friends, Christine, proved that it could be done. She has just successfully defended her dissertation, which means that she is now a PhD holder, a great mother, and a devoted wife!

Monday, November 12, 2007

twenty-one new things about me

Monday, November 12, 2007

Fine lines have started appearing under my eyes – a prelude to wrinkles.

One of my dreams – to have an article published – is now about to be realized.

I’ve started a countdown, something I’ve never done before.

My phone is active again!

I am no longer a victim of unrealizable dreams.

Well crafted phrases delight me.

I used to doubt relationships that started virtual. I ate all my words.

    I now have 26 pairs of shoes.

For me, love is no longer a trap, an elusive idea, a performance or an illusion.

More and more work responsibilities are being given to me.

I am happy and I feel so loved.

All my preparations for spinsterhood got scrapped.

I’ve stopped obsessing about my weight.

I am less of an introvert than before. I've realized how fun it is to be in the company of friends.

I go to work earlier than usual with a bright smile on my face a cheerful good morning for everyone, eager to start a new day.

I can now wear what i want, eat what i want, sleep when i want, say what i want, do what i want, go where i want, be with the people i want to be with. I'm free, at last.

I am now officially the tiniest in our whole clan. My 12-year old sister and even my nieces are now taller than me.

My insecurities, I’ve learned how to deal with.

They say I am less bitchy but more crazy than before.

I have come to terms with past events.

I found The One. Or rather, he found me.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

an astonishing farce of misperception

Saturday, November 10, 2007

“You fight your superficiality, your shallowness, so as to try to come at people without unreal expectations, without an overload of bias or hope or arrogance, as untanklike as you can be, sans cannon and machine guns and steel plating half a foot thick; you come at them unmenacingly on your on ten toes instead of tearing up the turf with your caterpillar treads, take them on with an open mind, as equals, man to man, as we used to say, and yet you never fail to get them wrong. You might as well have the brain of a tank. You get them wrong before you meet them, while you’re anticipating meeting them; you get them wrong while you’re with them; and then you go home to tell somebody else about the meeting and you get them all wrong again. Since the same generally goes for them with you, the whole thing is really a dazzling illusion empty of all perception, an astonishing farce of misperception.”

- Philip Roth, American Pastoral, 1997

Friday, November 9, 2007

The Good Wife's Guide

Friday, November 9, 2007

Thursday, November 8, 2007

viciously vile vitriol

Thursday, November 8, 2007

There is something pitiable and pathetic with people who viciously spew out vile vitriol. Virulence and undisguised animosity do nothing but reveal the depravity within.

did not work well in groups

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

8,521 miles

Wednesday, November 7, 2007
  • What is a distance of 8,521 miles when you feel that he's closer to you than any other person on earth?
  • What is 8,521 miles when you can hear his voice everyday tirelessly telling you that you are the love of his life?
  • What is 8,521 miles when you know that you'll be together in no time?
  • What is 8,521 miles when he sends you torturous text messages, effortless telephatic messages and heartfelt emails that never fail to lift your spirits up?
  • What is 8,521 miles when he constantly sends you lovely red roses to brighten up your day?
  • What is 8,521 miles when you know that your bond grows stronger everyday and you are both determined to stay together no matter what?
  • What is 8,521 miles when there's this blog that made it probable, plausible and possible for him to find you?
  • What is 8,521 miles when by defying all dating rules and conventions, you made each other's dreams come true?
  • What is 8,521 miles when you are certain that you make him happy like nobody else can?>
  • What is 8,521 miles when you both know that despite it, you love each other more and more each passing day?

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

this has got to stop

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

This has got to stop. Staying up until the wee hours of the morning to finish a book is a compulsion I have had since childhood that I can’t shake off. It makes me so sleepy during daytime that I have to down mugs and mugs of black coffee to keep myself awake. And what’s worse, I end up looking like a panda, with dark circles under my eyes even a whole stick of concealer couldn’t hide.

Oh well, at least I got to finish what I started.

Monday, November 5, 2007

nothing and everything has changed

Monday, November 5, 2007

Has it been a year now? It seems only like yesterday that Nica and I were struggling over her Christmas tree project for school; a year has passed and now we’re making Christmas lanterns.

A year has passed and it’s like nothing and everything has changed. We’re slightly different people doing the same things in different ways for the same purpose in different times.

Friday, November 2, 2007

mysterious equations of love

Friday, November 2, 2007

It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logical reasons can be found.

- Russel Crowe playing John Nash in A Beautiful Mind

Thursday, November 1, 2007

igniting the UP pride

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Quoted from a Sayote Republic post entitled UP at 100:

“The text below was taken from an image posted in the University of the Philippines group over in Facebook. Thought I’d share it to everyone to further ignite the UP pride.” (Charles Asuit, 30 October 2007)


UP trained you in such a way that when the people of the world are sitting, you’ll be standing; when the world is standing, you’ll stand out; when the world stands out, you’ll be outstanding; and when the world dares to be outstanding, you’ll be the standard.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

One Tuesday Morning

Wednesday, October 31, 2007
What a morning I had yesterday!

I left Cavite around four am and arrived at the condo after two and a half hours. So I told myself, “okay, it’s still early, I’ll just lie down for a while.” I fell asleep and “a while” became and hour and a half! I was so zonked out that I didn’t even hear my phone ringing!!! And it was my boyfriend calling! I wanted to kick myself.

I was running late already but I figured, “so I’m late. Do I have to look frumpy, too?” Of course not. Not minding the clock, I rummaged through my clothes for that outfit that would go perfectly with my new shoes. The process is usually done in reverse – one chooses one’s outfit for the day then looks for shoes that would match the outfit. But then, who says I follow “the usual” way of doing things?

Halfway to the office, I remembered that I forgot to unplug the flat iron. Debating whether to go back or not, I just called the front desk and asked the person in charge to cut the power that goes to my unit. But when I got home, I realized that it was unplugged naman pala. Oh, well..

Then I arrived at work, not knowing that my morning would get even wilder. I interviewed a senior sales manager who obviously was crazier than I am. I am not one to discriminate because I, myself, am flaky and I believe that everybody is entitled to his of her own idiosyncrasies. But our applicant was totally scary-crazy deranged because of the way she answered the essay exam questions, the way she spoke, the way she looked; she mentioned ice cream thrice in her exam and twice during the interview! virtually everything about her screamed MADNESS!!

It takes one to know one.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

four days without a sensible post

Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Four days without a sensible post. I am guilty of neglecting my blog, I know. Alibi number one: work has been toxic for the past few days; alibi number two: there is nothing interesting to write about; alibi number three: I just spent a long weekend in Cavite where there is no access to the Internet. The real reason: I have been happily preoccupied with something that holds primacy over everything else; I have been devoting my time to writing for a single audience and not for the world.

was it worth it?

You gave your life to become the person you are right now. Was it worth it?”

Richard Bach, One , 1989

Friday, October 26, 2007

someone's absence

Friday, October 26, 2007
This is love, isn’t it? When you notice someone’s absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even, than you love his presence?

– Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything is Illuminated

Thursday, October 25, 2007

So Outdated

Thursday, October 25, 2007
“I have no idea what they are talking about.” That’s the thought that entered my mind while we were having lunch several hours ago. My officemates were talking about certain characters in the Pinoy Big Brother show. Try as I could, I cannot relate with the topic or with their enthusiasm for the show. My realization was: I am so outdated.

Driving back to the office, a certain song was being played on the radio and Enrico asked Cris, “Sir, may CD ka ba nyan? Pahiram naman.” Again came the realization: I am so outdated. That’s the first time I heard that song, not knowing that it’s what’s “in” nowadays. It actually is my fault. I have limited myself to listening to music composed not later than the 19th century.

In a faintly mocking tone, they often say, “Luka-luka ka kasi. May sarili kang mundo.” I must admit, I do have a world of my own. And I like it as it is.

cadence of a summer day

A baseball game is nothing but a great slow contraption for getting you to pay attention to the cadence of a summer day.”

- Michael Chabon, Summerland

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

What is it with flowers?

Wednesday, October 24, 2007
They say that courtship is on its way to obsolescence. But when we unexpectedly receive a bouquet of flowers, doesn’t it make us believe that romance is still alive? So what is it with flowers that make us girls go all mushy and mawkish? Why do we like flowers so much? Is it because flowers are traditional expressions of courtship and romance? Is it because flowers are an obvious display of appreciation and affection? They say flowers have their own language:
  • Red roses are the traditional symbol for love and romance, and a time-honored way to say "I love you." The red rose has long symbolized beauty and perfection. A bouquet of red roses is the perfect way to express your deep feelings for someone special.

  • An assorted bouquet of gerbera daisies can lift the spirit and sending one is an ideal way to brighten someone’s day.

  • Sunflowers are the happiest of flowers, and their meanings include loyalty and longevity. They are unique in their ability to provide energy in the form of nourishment and vibrance, an attribute which mirrors the sun and the energy provided by its heat and light.

  • If you're looking to leave butterflies in their tummies, choose tulips and watch them blush. Wildly popular throughout its history, tulips are a comfortable flower choice and one that expresses perfect love.

But then, do they have to have meaning for us to love them? The sheer beauty of flowers is reason enough, isn’t it?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

honey, do you remember...

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

I was having this “Honey, do you remember when you said….” conversation with my boyfriend when I realized I am not burying painful memories anymore. Instead, we, as a couple, are reliving happy memories that embody our love and take us to the fulfillment of our dreams.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

What Renders Your Beloved Beautiful?

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Look then at the faces and bodies of people you love. The explicit beauty that comes not from smoothness of skin or neutrality of expression, but from the web of experience that has left its mark. Each face, each body is its own living fossilized record. A record of cats, combatants, difficult births; of accidents, cruelties, blessings. Reminders of folly, greed, indiscretion, impatience. A moment of time, of memory, preserved internalized, and enshrined within and upon the body. You need not be told that these records are what render your beloved beautiful.

-Stephanie Kallos, Broken for You

Friday, October 19, 2007

Bound Copies

Friday, October 19, 2007
Today I submitted five bound copies of four years of arduous toil - my master’s thesis. Finally.

Looking at it, I don’t see pages and chapters combined to form a cohesive whole called my thesis. What I see are years of frustration over a daunting task, days spent worrying if it will ever get done, countless nights spent in obsessive writing and rewriting, and intermittent periods spent doing nothing but wallowing in panglossian complacency – all bound together.

to allow mystery

“To allow mystery, which is to say to yourself, ‘There could be more, there could be things we don’t understand,’ is not to damn knowledge. It is to take a wider view. It is to permit yourself an extraordinary freedom: someone else does not have to be wrong in order that you may be

Barry Lopez, Of Wolves and Men

Thursday, October 18, 2007

october in pictures

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

soneto de amor

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

- by Pablo Neruda, XVII, Cien sonetos de amor

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Women are Complicated

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Monday, October 15, 2007

The Wheel Has Turned

Monday, October 15, 2007

Something has changed.

I was with my beloved mares, Hazel and Leah last Saturday at Alabang Town Center. Lunching on salad, ribs, pasta, fries, and mushrooms for three hours and having coffee for another five hours, we were able to update each other on what’s happening in our lives. All throughout, I was sensing that something has changed. The substance of our stories has changed. We now view life in a different way. When before we dread the future, we now embrace it like wide-eyed children who cannot wait to open their gifts. Apprehension and skepticism have given way to hope and optimism. We used to dread turning 30; now we believe that life begins at 30!

The wheel has turned.

I wonder what has brought the change. Was it a sudden, jolting shift or a slow, subtle transition? Is it because we are now more in control of our lives and know exactly what we want? Is it a direct consequence of “maturity?” Is it because Hazel is about to walk down the aisle and into the loving arms of her bulate? Is it because Leah is about to open her heart and let somebody new in? Is it because the man I’ve been waiting for all my life is finally here?

The wheel has turned.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Taga Baguio Ka Isu?

Sunday, October 14, 2007
1. taga-baguio laeng iti makaammu iti original nga kulay ti pader iti maharlika ken marbay.... nu dayu, kuna da nga napinturan iti nalabbaga....hehehe… handa ammu ma-ma gayam...

2. paboritong expression "wen ya!!!"

3. mahilig iti polo nga stripes and checked (long sleeve pay) uray aglingling-it ket madi da nga ikkaten...

4. uray pangkis iti medyas...ayos latta

5. haan ka nga taga-baguio nu haan mu nga ammu diay infamous nga "nova lodge".

6. haan ka nga taga-baguio nu haan mu nga ammu nga adda iti outbreak...

7. wash and wear style

8. naangseg iti burnham... kasatnu pagisbuan iti nababartek.. malpas ket pag-iddaan pay iti turista..hehehe

9. hindi ka taga-baguio kung nawala cellphone mo...

10. lastly, sa mga taga baguio na hindi pa nakakaalam na ang session road ay napalitan na ng pangalan, ang bagong pangalan ay "muslim road"

11. haan ka nga tigadtoy nu han mu nga malagip ti "labus angels" or " labo's angels" idyay pinagtakderan iti concrete x-mas tree idyay session

12. basta naka "leather jacket, friends forever!" ya!

13. nu malpas ti shot ket awan ti pagtaxi ibaga da intayo ag-ghost hunting .. gayam magmagna agawid...

14. awanin ti session theatre! santo haan nga inaldaw ti panag digus.. nyahaha! naglammingamin!

15. taga-baguio ka nu nabilib ka ket ibagam nga "ay-yu ya! dayta ah!! gemays!!!" hehehe…

16. nu mangmangan ka strawberries. ....haan ka taga ditoy…. ta haan mo ammu nagtubuan na ken ayna nangalaan da ti pinag-sibug da ijay.. wehehehe… ---balili creek! toinks toinks

17. han ka taga baguio nu han mu ammu ti batawa nyahahahahaha. intako mandance-dance id sidi ya!!!!! –ijay dance floor paylang ket nateng ti topic yo enya hehee

18. haan ka nga taga-baguio nu han mu ammu iti tawag da idyay ayan ti sm tatta... hehehe... intako agkibin- kibin idyay nasipnget nga parti...

19. haan ka nga taga-baguio nu han mu ammu nga kadwan dagiti jeep nga apan trinidad ken apan jay north nga ada terminal o nu sardengen tuy baguio ket country, ken ti no.1 bars ditoy ket jay bokawkan han nga ijay legarda. ken ti no.1 fm station ditoy baguio ket 99.9

20. kaaduan nga taga-baguio ket chow da ti dogie.. intako man chow ed comiles… hehehehe… naimas den pulutan da isdi…

21. paboritong expression "wen ya!!!"... "aw adi"… y nas d"

22. han ka nga taga-baguio nu han mu ammu jay tam-awan village... balay ti tam-awan u..hehehe

23. han ka nga taga-baguio nu sobra ka nga ag-ayat ti artista... uray samet agpapansin ti artista ditoy ket deadma da latta...

24. han ka nga taga baguio nu han mo ammo daytoy.... uray butbot pantalon ko bastalevi's...

25. han ka nga taga baguio nu han mo amu nga jay dati nga nagtatakderan jay centermall ita ket dati nga 'burn area'…

26. ti taga-baguio kaaduwan nga nagapwan ti taraki nga badu da ket wag-wag nga selection.

27. han ka nga taga-baguio nu ti amum ket kayo ti pagbungaan ti sayote..

28. haan ka nga taga-baguio nu apan ka diyay burnham tapno agpapicture dagidyay photographers idyay... gusto mong magpakuha? may digicam na ngayon uy!

29. han ka nga taga-baguio nu madim amo ti usar na ti side a ken side b ti underwear. ayu ket nagbagyo garud!

30. han ka nga taga-baguio nu agpara ka ket ibagam "ma, dyan lang sa tabi". weirdo, ket apay in-nam data driver?

31. han ka nga taga-baguio nu naka shorts ka ken nagpuskol ti jacket mo ken nakabonnet ka iti baguio city. ayu data a!

32. han kan nga taga-baguio nu ibagam nga "kawawa naman" iti pinikpikan nga manok. naimas ti sabaw nga kadwa iti shot! hwahahaha...kawawa nga?!!!

33. haan ka taga-baguio nu madim amu nga ti number 1 nga in-inumin ti aartek ditoy ket gin latta ah ken 4x4 pay laeng..inggana maibusan..santu sigarilyo ket hope nu saan ket winston..haan kadi?

34. haan ka taga-baguio nu han mo nga amu nu ayan na idi jay chapparal…. malagep mo pay jay “sabon ken batya”…. ken ti makitam iti kab-cabaret ket mga bhd inspektor nayunam pay ti pupulis… wheehehee

35. han ka nga taga-baguio nu haan mo nga amo nga ti number 1 tambayan idi ti high school students ket jay assumption road ta ada pay idi jay frb building, fire’s place ken girl’s high idi idjay…

36. han nga taga-baguio nu han mo nga ammo ti benedict’s place, nasukatanen ti jet bookstore idjay session…. idjay ti naimas nga aginum idi, adan ti chicks ada pay ti gulo… tatta ket jay nevada’s square aminen, gulo ken chicks, hehehe…

37. han ka nga taga-baguio nu haan mo nga ammo ti hokkee ti paginuman ti medical students nga artek… di ba doc? le fondue ti paginuman ti artist kuno ken nahilig ti acoustic… ken ayuyang ti paginuman ti nahilig ti reggae… tapos nu nabarbartek ka ket agpamawmaw ka jay 456 (lomi adi) ken jay terminal (goto to the max!)

38. han ka taga-baguio nu haan mo nga ammo nga ti sayote ket maka-high blood…. inya, sayote manen ti sida tayo!!!! inyametten!!! aahhhh!!!

39. han ka nga taga-baguio nu han mo nga ammo ti number 1 nga sports ket bilyar ken tong-its…. pustaan pay ket gin manen

Thursday, October 11, 2007

The One

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Having been used to all conversation mired in obfuscation and prevarication, meeting somebody who is pure and true can be totally overwhelming.

Aching with unabashed hopes and unassuaged dreams he found me. My beau ideal, the someone I can to talk to, the one who answered my invitation - he who loves me without expectations and with every fiber of his being has finally arrived.
All is well in the world.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

104 Days to Go!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007
This is the first time in my entire life that I am looking forward to my birthday. Never did I imagine that turning 30 could be this great.

Monday, October 8, 2007

The mere fragrance of clove in spiced tea can set you weeping and howling

Monday, October 8, 2007

This is what happens to people who cease to dream and take risks:

“Survive long enough and you get to a far off point where nothing else of particular interest is going to happen. After that, if you don’t watch out, you can spend all your time tallying your losses and gains in endless narrative. All you love has fled or been taken away. Everything fallen from you except the possibility of jolting and unforwarned memory springing out of the dark, rushing over you with the velocity of heartbreak. May walking down the hall humming an old song-” The Girl I Left Behind Me”- or the mere fragrance of clove in spiced tea can set you weeping and howling when all you’ve been for weeks on end is numb.” By Charles Frazier, 13 Moons

We dared to risk everything. We fell in love. And now, one by one our dreams are coming true.

Cultural Transformation, Political Democracy and Human Development

Ming-Chang Tsai (2002), examining the influence of political democracy on human development, asserts that.

Increased inclusion of the masses in politics exposes the relative social disadvantages of poor groups. Eckstein (1984) maintained that the potential benefits from increasing access to schooling, job markets, and political participation are likely to be impeded because both the material constraints and a submissive authority culture of the lower class sustained their subordination vis-à-vis the affluent class.

The above argument implies that cultural transformation is necessary in order to achieve human development through political democracy. For the full attainment of human development, how, then, is cultural transformation along with the adoption of values consistent with and supportive of democratic politics possible?

The political participation of the masses may be restrained due to their poverty and their “submissive” tendency towards the affluent class. Material constraints and the subordination of the poor by the affluent impede them from benefiting from the advantages of democratization such as improved access to education, health and employment opportunities.

The stressful situation and frustrated outcomes for the inclusion of the general population, mentioned by Ming-Chan Tsai (2002) using the argument of Eckstein (1984), do occur across nations. For instance, a “submissive authority culture” permeates Philippine society. David Wurfel (1998) points out that the largest portion of the Filipino population has a “subject” rather than a “participant” orientation towards politics and society. While there is some level of political awareness, there is also widespread acceptance and passivity among Filipinos, thus viewing themselves as powerless subjects “whose lives are directed by political processes above them.” (Jackson 1997: 125)

An article written by Randolf David (2002), entitled “The Powerless Public” addresses the “submissive authority culture” of the poor vis-à-vis the rich in the Philippines. He discussed how those “who have money, power and technology go about their daily business, completely unmindful of the effects they create on the life circumstances of others” (p. 145) while the poor who are adversely affected resort to private coping mechanisms which do not address the real problems of living in an increasingly complex society. (p. 146)

A powerless public cannot be the wellspring of meaningful political participation. Unaccustomed to and hardly capable of addressing public issues, the masses are not likely to treat any democratic exercise – elections for instance – as opportunities for discerning and advancing public good. Besides, “having a democratic constitution and a complete set of democratic institutions is not the same thing as having a functioning democracy” (Camposano 1995: 2) that builds an enabling environment for human development. Our country may possess the formal institutions of democracy but we have yet to acquire the values and dispositions that are necessary to make political democracy work. A way for democracy to work towards human development is through good governance and building a civic culture through the accumulation of social capital – learning to trust and cooperate, active collaboration with others based on the recognition of common interests and collective instead of individual benefits, implementing effective poverty alleviation programs that empower the poor and having a strong civil society that facilitate social interaction and active participation in the economic, social and political affairs of the country.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

happy, happy, happy

Sunday, October 7, 2007

happy, happy, happy. that is what i am right now. overflowing with happiness.

Friday, October 5, 2007

damsel in distress

Friday, October 5, 2007
It’s funny how we advocate women’s rights, call for gender equality, fight for female independence and empowerment and yet still act like damsels in distress waiting to be rescued by our knights in shining armor. What’s even funnier is that we don’t even need to be rescued. We can damn well do what needs to be done – on our own. We just like to know and feel that there is somebody out there willing to rescue us.

the world seen through the eyes of love

They became part of that unreal but penetrating and exciting universe which is the world seen through the eyes of love. The sky stuck to them; the birds sang through them. And, what was even more exciting, she felt, too, as she saw Mr Ramsay bearing down and retreating, and Mrs Ramsay sitting with James in the window and the cloud moving and the tree bending, how life, from being made up of little separate incidents which one lived one by one, became curled and whole like a wave which bore one up and threw one down with it, there, with a dash on the beach.

- Virginia Woolf, To the Lighthouse

Thursday, October 4, 2007

preparing for loss

Thursday, October 4, 2007
Loss and leaving have always been the conditions of her life. But when can she ever get accustomed to it? How can she prepare herself for the possibility that he can vanish without a trace into the great unknown, leaving her wondering if everything was just a dream?

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

her answer

Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Their Question: What’s a smart person like you talking to a crass and uncouth person like him?”

Her Answer: Who says I’m smart? I'm just as crass and uncouth as he is.

nothing mysterious

“And don’t tell me God works in mysterious ways.” Yossarian continued, hurtling on over her objection. “There’s nothing mysterious about it. He’s not working at all. He’s playing. Or else He’s forgotten all about us. That’s the kind of God you people talk about–a country bumpkin, a clumsy, bungling, brainless, conceited, uncouth hayseed. Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatalogical mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements? Why in the world did He ever create pain?”

From Catch-22 by Joseph Heller

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

to describe happiness is to diminish it

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

After being down in the dumps for quite some time, I never knew I can be this happy again. Writing about pain and loneliness came very easy to me. But describing moments like this – moments that take my breath away – I cannot find the words. Perhaps there is truth to what has been said before: to describe happiness is to diminish it.

Lust for Books

“She herself was a victim of that lust for books which rages in the breast like a demon, and which cannot be stilled save by the frequent and plentiful acquisition of books. This passion is more common, and more powerful, than most people suppose. Book lovers are thought by unbookish people to be gentle and unworldly, and perhaps a few of them are so. But there are others who will lie and scheme and steal to get books as wildly and unconscionably as the dope-taker in pursuit of his drug. They may not want the books to read immediately, or at all; they want them to possess, to range on their shelves, to have at command. They want books as a Turk is thought to want concubines — not to be hastily deflowered, but to be kept at their master’s call, and enjoyed more often in thought than in reality. Solly was in a measure a victim of this unscrupulous passion, but Freddy was wholly in the grip of it.”

- Robertson Davis, Tempest-Tost

Monday, October 1, 2007

Questions and Answers

Monday, October 1, 2007

My 12-year old sister, my friends, my boss, even my mother – everyone thinks that I’m crazy. And they have all the reason to believe so. They ask questions that tacitly - and sometimes outrightly - indicate how “unconventional” I am. A lot of times I just shrug it off to make it a non-issue but sometimes I find it necessary to justify my person and why I lean more towards madness than sanity.

Their Question: Why do you always wear those short skirts?
My Answer: Because in this heat, I feel more comfortable in them than in pants. You should wear one too; it will make you less cranky.

Their Question: Why do you doubt that He exists?
My Answer: If you can tell me – with all clarity and conviction - why you believe that He exists, then I’ll tell you why I’m being doubtful.

Their Question: Why do you like older men? Why can’t you date people your own age?
My Answer: Because I find guys my own age not only terribly immature but absolutely infantile.

Their Question: Why do you listen to that kind of music? It makes us fall asleep!
My Answer: Because I cannot bear to listen to that you’re listening to.

Their Question: Why are you talking to yourself?
My Answer: Because I feel like it.

Their Question: Why can’t you stop studying? Don’t you get tired of it?
My Answer: Because for me, the pursuit of knowledge is a lifetime thing.

Their Question: Why aren’t you married yet? Aren’t you lonely being single?
My Answer: When you’re not married, it doesn’t mean you aren’t happy; Marriage doesn’t guarantee happiness.

Their Question: Why are you dancing? There’s no music!
My Answer: Because I feel like dancing. I’m dancing to the music in my head.

Their Question: Why are you so OC (obsessive-compulsive)?
My Answer: Because I can’t help it!

Their Question: Why are you so affected by what’s happening out there?
My Answer: Because I love my country and I take to heart everything that happens to it.

Their Question: Why don’t you go out, meet some boys and have fun instead of spending your nights reading?
My Answer: Because your idea of fun is way different from mine.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Service to the Nation

Sunday, September 30, 2007
Just recently, Sayote Republic has posted pictures of the Oblation, reminding us of what it symbolizes: the selfless offering of one's self to his country.

I found myself asking if have I, indeed, done my part.

During my stay at the Academy I saw the opportunity to serve the country, in my own, small way. It was a passion that many judged irrational and overly idealistic. I thought that I was making a difference by contributing to reforming systems that will mold cadets into men of character and honorable leaders of the Armed Forces. Never did I know that I was in for a rude awakening. Everything turned out to be an exercise in futility. I had to get out.

Have I done enough? It breaks my heart to think that I have not.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

an hour here or there

Saturday, September 29, 2007

“There’s just this for consolation: an hour here or there when our lives seem, against all odds and expectations, to burst open and give us everything we’ve ever imagined, though everyone but children (and perhaps even they) knows these hours will inevitably be followed by others, far darker and more difficult. Still, we cherish the city, the morning; we hope, more than anything, for more.”

- From The Hours by Michael Cunningham

Friday, September 28, 2007

So Much Goes Unsaid

Friday, September 28, 2007

So much goes unsaid – emotions that can only be revealed in private; things that can never be for public consumption; thoughts that can - and should - only be shared with that one, special person. What is written carries meaning intentionally hidden and more profound than what is seen through a cursory glance. The intent is not to mislead or bewilder, but to be understood by the person who can understand – that person who can read through what is obscure and what remains unsaid.

Sometimes, that - which is left unsaid - is what really matters.

And it is extremely frustrating to not have the means to freely say what you want to say.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

thank you

Thursday, September 27, 2007

I can't believe it!!! I am still in shock. How do you know that i love flowers? Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am so happy..

And the chocolates made everybody in the office happy too..

And I'm being teased to death.. :)

Siak ti agngina.

to wake at dawn with a winged heart

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself
But if your love and needs have desires
Let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook
That sings its melody to the night
To know the pain of too much tenderness
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart
And give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer
For the beloved in your heart
And a song of praise upon your lips.

-Gibran Kahlil Gibran

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Listening to Nat King Cole and Frank Sinatra

Tuesday, September 25, 2007
What is it with old records that make them so sweet and romantic that they make me want to dance?

I was thinking that very thought last night while I was gazing at some beautifully lit buildings from my 7th floor window and listening to Nat King Cole: “You may not be an angel ‘cause angels are so few but until the day that one comes along, I’ll string along with you. I’m looking for an angel to sing my love song to and until the day that one comes along, I’ll sing my song to you…. the little flaws you do have just make me love you more…..” The people who wrote such songs must have been really in love, I thought. Still in the mood, I then listened to some old Sinatra classics until close to midnight.

It was an otherwise dull evening made splendid with good music.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Someone to Talk To

Monday, September 24, 2007

I now find myself in a place where loneliness is easy to avoid, happiness is no longer elusive, dreams come true, and love is within reach. The air of despondency that surrounded me for some time has lifted.

Although loneliness is now easy to avoid, there is still something lacking. I find myself longing for a person to talk to – somebody who can challenge my crazy ideas and temper my convoluted thoughts; somebody who gets me; someone with whom I can bear my soul.

Sometimes I think I’d go mad for the lack of someone who’d understand why I question God’s existence. There is no one I can debate with about the NBN deal, the ongoing protests in Myanmar, or the Mets and the Marlins; no one to discuss the day’s editorial or the book I’m reading, or the precariousness of daily life; no one to laugh with about the inane and the insane; and beyond all the talk and the laughter, no one to just be quiet with.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Who Knows How to Make Love Stay?

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Who knows how to make love stay?

1. Tell love you are going to the Junior’s Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if love stays, it can have half. It will stay.

2. Tell love you want a memento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a mustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.

3. Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning.

- Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker

Friday, September 21, 2007

An Invitation

Friday, September 21, 2007

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

- by the Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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