Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Selfish

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Living alone gets really lonely at times, but more often than not I thank the stars for not having to put up with the daily drama of domestic coexistence.  A recluse of the most intractable sort, I guard my personal space and revel in the soothing silence and stillness of my home.  My solitude, though enveloped in uneventful obscurity, is inviolable.

Living alone keeps me from being entangled in other people’s lives. It protects me from the clutches of other people’s shifting moods, occluded thoughts and internal struggles.  Only when removed from others can I can sit motionless and regain my balance.

It is during those moments of stillness that I can dare question my life of selfishness and self-indulgence. Is it selfish not to want a ‘conventional’ life? Is it selfish not to want to have any children when you know that you most probably won’t be able to give them the best that life could offer? Is it selfish not to want to subject them to this world’s wretchedness and declension?  Is it selfish to love someone completely without having to sign a document that makes loving him legal and binding? Is it selfish to live alone when you know that only you can endure living with yourself? Is it selfish to attend to your wants and needs before that of others when nobody else would, or could, do it for you?  Is it selfish to value your freedom and solitude when they are the very things that sustain you when all else is stripped away?

6 comments:

kayni said...

we're the same in so many ways, and i don't think it's selfish at all. we think it's selfish because it's not the norm. a lot of people i know are always out socializing, but as for me, i prefer being at home doing stuff that i like to do. honestly, i feel lonelier in a crowd or group of people that are talking about things that doesn't interest me.

Loree said...

I think everyone should live the life that is best for them.

Vitchie said...

agree Angeli and Kayni... haha, i think we have a common thing in being 'selfish', and i'm loving my selfishness for the heck of it..lolz!

Angeli said...

birds of the same feather......? hahahah

Anonymous said...

if i may... yeah, i agree with the beauty of being alone and having space and all the other points you've raised and phrased in a very Angeli way ;P but, i have to say that a lot of the binaries you've made are not really mutually exclusive. It's difficult but at times it can work, to seek a middle ground. But of course, at the end of the day one lives the life one creates and the really important thing is if you're happy about it. If you are, then there should be no more room for having to question or justify how you choose to exist.

Angeli said...

true! :)

 
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