8/11

Twelve months ago I listed down the things I need to do before 2009 ends. Looking back, I wonder where I did right, where I failed, and what I accomplished. Here’s the list.

Mastered at least three piano pieces. It’s embarrassing to admit that I’ve never touched the keys of the piano since I wrote the list. I think I’ve already forgotten how to read notes. And since I failed to master even one piece last year, I will do so this year.

Started with the online course I’ve been planning to take. Started, yes; but finished, no.

Saved enough to go for a vacation outside the country. Chasing our dreams, D and I were able to travel to three countries in Southeast Asia: Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia. We plan to travel some more this year.

Spent more time with the people I want to be with. In the middle of last year, my old friends and I did some catching up. With them I was able to escape, though momentarily, my life of monotony and needless anxiety. Their presence reminded me of who I was and who I have always wanted to become. The weekend visits to my mother’s place gave me a chance to bond with my family, particularly my sister who never fails to cheer me up. Along with my friends and my family who live far away, there’s that one person who I want to spend more time with and, in 2009, I did.

Each moment with him was so precious that in the middle of the majestic temples, palaces and skyscrapers, the markets that swelled with people of different countries, the bumping shoulders at the skytrain, aboard the river boats that gently rolled along the Chao Phraya River, surrounded with the sawatdee ka we hear and the smiles we see everywhere we go, in the sweltering heat of the City of Angels, we had eyes only for each other. I loved the way his eyes rested on mine. His eyes showed how happy and content he is, like a person who has everything he wants in life – an exact reflection of how I, myself, feel.

Weighed approximately the same (or even less!) than I did last year. Still at 47 kgs, yay! I would have wanted to lose the flab, though.

Expressed my appreciation for people more. There were lapses, I know, but I somehow accomplished this.

Read at least 55 books. This I accomplished with much pleasure and little effort. I was able to finish 56 books, both fiction and nonfiction, that tackle various topics and belong to different genres – religion, dystopia, travel, atheism, Spanish and Portuguese literature, postmodernism, Jewish fiction, satire, old age, coming of age, African American literature, and a lot more obscure stuff.

Managed to stay away from the doldrums. I tried to stay away but failed terribly.

Mounting waves of loneliness engulf her at times when she least expects it. She feels its presence even when surrounded with colleagues and particularly when she goes home at night and closes her door to the world. Her eyes fall on the empty couch, the somber walls, the lone glass on the kitchen counter and she braces herself against another wave.

Beneath the pretty clothes, the sparkling laughter and the sweet smile is an utter desolation whose very existence would astonish anyone if they’d only look closer. Beneath the confident exterior is someone struggling not to fall apart.

Spent less on ‘wants’ than on ‘needs’. The line between wants and needs sometimes gets a bit blurry, but most of the time I managed—after summoning enough self-control—to differentiate the two.

Learned the basics of Photoshop. It helped that I’m part of the review team for the development of our Photoshop textbook. Learning the tool, however, did not make me want to use it. Not only did I find the whole image editing process tedious, but I still prefer raw photos over manipulated ones.

Focused more on what’s going well than on what’s not. My failure to do this was the reason I didn’t manage to stay away from the doldrums.

I got eight out of eleven, which is equivalent to 72.7 percent or 2.25 (using the UP Grade Point System). Eight out of eleven is considered good or satisfactory, a gentler term for mediocre or puwede na rin.