Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Self-doubt

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

For a girl who had been horizontally-challenged most of her adult life, I’ve always dreamed of wearing a two-piece bikini in public without cringing or feeling ashamed about it. The dream had been achieved, but the doubts lingered still. Instead of being flattered, I take umbrage whenever a guy gets interested in me because of my questionable “intellectual capabilities” and not my limited physical qualities. My attempts to expunge the self-destructing tendency to compare where I am now against where others have gone fail more often than not. Drawn from the deep wells of insecurity, such concerns—although superficial and unreasonable—are hard to overcome.

Your insecurities, I continually tell myself, are devoid of reason. Why let yourself be ruled by the irrational? Why compare yourself with others? Why let societal norms and convention define who you are? The internal tug-of-war persists. Often filled with self-doubt in this world that attaches a bottom line value to everything and where one always has to be good enough, I continue to question my self-worth.

10 comments:

Agnes said...

You're right, Angeli. Comparing ourselves to others is pointless.

mordsith said...

I also feel insecure about so many things in myself. when i compare myself with others, oftentimes, i get more depressed. i often see how people are better. Anyway, from where I stand, I do not see any reason for you to doubt your self-worth. :)

witsandnuts said...

We are all unique in our own ways. It's human to compare. But that should not consume us much. It's best to do if only it will make us feel better.

Anonymous said...

winston and i think you are vavaboom varaboom!! too bad winston did not see you live in two piece bikini.

Amelia said...

sometimes you can't really control the urge to compare ourselves to others. I believe this can be a positive sign that in one way or another we want to improve or develop that we see on other people. but if you compare yourself and then becomes miserable after then it's pointless.

unstranger said...

I believe that people who fail to question themselves, their motivations, their intentions etc are not really on the same planet as everyone else. Your self doubts will keep you sharp and focused and alive to opportunities.

Consider the alternative; narcissism!

Pat yourself on the back, you are a real and genuine person deserving of all good favour. :-)

d_d_d said...

honey, you are hotness personified- both inside and out pa yan ha! it is just a fact... although, i must agree that insucurities are really HUGE obstacles to overcome, but we do what we must, yes?.

Angeli said...

Hotness personified! I think that's you, Dina, not me. hahahah

Honey, his name is Sherwin, not Winston. You picked out that bikini so of course I'd look good in it. :)

Unstranger, that is such a nice thing to say. Very heartwarming. Thank you.

Mordsith Wits, Agnes and Amelia, comparing ourselves to others is unavoidable. Maybe we just need not let ourselves be affected with it? Like what Wits said, we shouldn't let it consume us.

Thanks for reading and leaving a comment, everyone. You all make me believe in myself more. Again, thank you. :)

jacqueline said...

there is always somebody better and lesser than we are. it's just a matter of accepting who we are, knowing what we are capable of doing, and believing that we can always improve some aspects of our lives that can make us better individuals everytime.

:) smile! you have more assets than liabilities. ;)

Angeli said...

oo nga. it's a matter of acceptance.
thanks, jac. :)

 
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