Monday, April 27, 2009

500th

Monday, April 27, 2009

It’s been two years since I started blogging, and I have now reached my 500th post. There was a time when I thought of dropping out of the virtual world and completely expunging my Internet existence. As previously written (20 February 2008), here are the reasons why:

Irrelevance

I started blogging to deaden the sound of my anger and staunch the sobs heaving from the innermost part of my being. Now that they’re deadened and staunched, does my blog still hold some vestige of relevance? Why keep it going if it has already served its purpose?

I quote an old blogpost (24 May 2007) entitled, A Healing and a Wounding:

I never had the ability to keep sorrow to myself. Whenever something bothers me, I have to write everything down. The compulsion to write is always there, even if words oftentimes fail me. Writing has always been a source of solace to me - the exacting struggle of expressing my deepest feelings clears my mind and detaches me emotionally. My blog is a result of my waking up alone everyday, embittered and slightly dazed, struggling to ignore the presence of pain yet assailing the source of it with subtle but stinging words. It was both a healing and a wounding - a way to exhume and bury memories, unabashed hopes and unassuaged dreams; a way to break away from the spell of despondency.

From that day, I have somehow healed. Painful memories have been buried and replaced by a renewed sense of hope:

It used to be simply a place to wait for the dark depths to sail safely past, hoping that, somehow, it might muffle the deafening silence of my solitude. Now it’s not merely about exhuming and burying painful memories but a sacred indulgence and a means of brokering, yet again, a truce with life. (This Blog Has Evolved, posted 18 September 2007)

Emotional Exhibitionism

To be a blogger means you are willing to share all juicy tidbits, every gory detail, and each sordid and undignified aspect of your life to the faceless web-surfing masses. Do I continue exposing myself that much? There are things that must remain private and unsaid:

On this page, so much goes unsaid – emotions that can only be revealed in private; things that can never be for public consumption; thoughts that can - and should - only be shared with that one, special person. What is written carries meaning intentionally hidden and more profound than what is seen through a cursory glance. The intent is not to mislead or bewilder, but to be understood by the person who can understand – that person who can read through what is obscure and what remains unsaid. Sometimes, that - which is left unsaid - is what really matters. (So Much Goes Unsaid, posted 28 September 2007)

A Sacred Indulgence

I eventually decided against closing this down. I cannot imagine depriving myself of the sheer pleasure I get from writing. It is through writing that I make sense of the world I live in:

I write about my life and the world that I live in. What’s wrong with that? People who believe that blogs are merely fodder for voyeuristic appetites are simply missing the point. If you don’t like our thoughts, ideas and pictures plastered all over the internet, tough. Close your browser, shut down your computer, and go sit in the sun. It’s not as if we, bloggers, are forcing you to read—or like—our plasterings. I write about the trivialities of my little world. That’s how I make sense of it. How do you make sense of yours? (Plastering, posted 22 October 2008)

Chronicle of a Love Story

This is also where our love story began. In this interlinked, virtual world swarming with millions of blogs, D visited this site and never left. He entered my life and has no intention of leaving.

Having been used to all conversation mired in obfuscation and prevarication, meeting somebody who is pure and true can be truly overwhelming. Aching with unabashed hopes and unassuaged dreams he found me. My beau ideal, that someone I can to talk to, the one who answered my invitation - he who loves me without expectations and with every fiber of his being has arrived. (The One, posted 11 October 2007)

Since then, Muffled Solitude has become a repository of dreams coming true and happy memories being relived. It will remain a chronicle of a love story and a witness to the wonders of the future.

A Celebration

Tracing it from its very humble beginnings, when only Kayni, Jennifer and D faithfully follow what is written here everyday, this blog will continue to celebrate life’s joys and struggles:

Gleaned from the blogs I follow regularly as well as that of my own experience, blogging is, indeed, a celebration of life - the joyous and the painful; the ordinary and the extraordinary; the arbitrary and the capricious; the dark, somber and intense; the light and funny; the sacred and the profane; the usual and the unusual; the factual and the absurd. (Articulated Thought, posted 7 April 2009)

Thanks for reading.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

I will continue to read your posts jill! Up to now, whenever i open my computer it's one of the first websites i visit...Thanks for putting into words the many thoughts and sentiments that I similarly have which I would have had difficulty expressing otherwise...Still a big fan! Wishing you more years!--- jen

Angeli said...

This sounds so mushy and senti, mare, but as I read your comment, I feel my eyes well up with tears. Thank you.

Maybe I just miss you, huh? :)

Amelia said...

500 post! wow! and more to come :)

will always read your post Angeli...

and congrats you have served it's purpose ;)

Angeli said...

Hi Amelia. Thanks so much.

I am looking forward to writing the next 500 posts. :)

mordsith said...

i am glad that your blog has become a repository of so many words, both happy and gloomy. I agree that there are many things that should be left private and unsaid, though at times I find myself eager to tell everything. Maybe in a space where nobody really knows me. :)

I wish you more reasons to blog!

witsandnuts said...

Wow, 500th post. More beautiful writings to come. =)

Angeli said...

Thank you, Mordsith. Writing really helps - in remembering the happy moments and making peace with the sad. sometimes it's hard to strike a balance between what to keep private and what to share no?

Jo, you must have reached your 500th post na rin?

Agnes said...

The way you write is magical, Angeli.
Congratulations on your 500th post.
Did you really meet D through your blog? (This is what happens when you come late to a blog... I had no idea!)

Kayni said...

500th post is a great number - how about 1000th post next time =). i'll always read your blog. i've learned so much from you. even in college nga i learned so much from you na...lol.

Angeli said...

Yes, Agnes. This is where he found me. (Kayni knows the whole story. Right, Kayni? LOL) He's a fellow alumnus looking for classmates online when he stumbled upon my blog. He fell in love with my writing; then later on, with me. :)

Kayni.. memories of Math 11, huh? hahahah

Thanks to both of you.

Artemis said...

heeey! congratulations! I think your blog had been very useful for you from the beginning up to now and that's what matters when it comes to blogging.. keep it up.. it is definitely still serving a purpose.

Angeli said...

you are right artemis, it hasn't lost its relevance. and what's best about blogging is that it connects me to other bloggers. and i get to make friends online.

thank you.

:)

jacqueline said...

i wish you 500 more reasons to blog!

i can't remember how i started reading your blog. all i know was, i was more intrigued with D's comments that i kept coming back, until it doesn't matter anymore whether D has some funny comments or none, i still read your posts. and now, checking my dashboard isn't complete without visiting your blog too. :)

happy 500th! :)

Anonymous said...

Congratulations macushla! Reading your blog is a matutinal habit that will never stop. No one can come close in inflicting LIFE onto your readers. :) Write on!!

Angeli said...

hi honey. bringing life? how about love? :)

Angeli said...

@jac. 500 more reasons? that's a lot.

thanks for the daily visits. :)

witsandnuts said...

257th post pa lang as of today. =)

unstranger said...

Your decision to continue was the correct one.

Angeli said...

i think so, too.

 
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