Friday, January 18, 2008

he had been looking for her all his life

Friday, January 18, 2008

“But underneath her efficiency and know-it-all sass were wind chimes. Nine rectangles of crystal, rainbowed in the light. Fragile pieces of glass tinkling as long as the breeze was gentle. But in more vigorous weather the thread that held it together would snap. So it would be his duty to keep the climate mild for her, to hold back with his hands if need be thunder, drought and all manner of winterkill, and he would blow with his own lips a gentle enough breeze for her to tinkle in. The birdlike defenselessness he had loved while she slept and saw when she took his hand on the stairs was his to protect. He would have to be alert, feed her with his mouth if he had to, construct a world of steel and down for her to flourish in, for the love thing was already there. He had been looking for her all his life…”

-Toni Morrison, Tar Baby, 1981


Thursday, January 17, 2008

Well-Wishers

Thursday, January 17, 2008

If there are naysayers in this world, then there will always be well-wishers, too. I wrote about naysayers before – the skeptics, the pessimists, the cynics, the non-believers, the negative thinkers, the faultfinders, the misanthropes, the wet blankets and all them gloomies. Now let me write about our well-wishers: my family who always supported my decisions in life and carried me through everything; my colleague friends who untiringly rallied by my side and left me alone when I needed to be alone; the pilak girls who relentlessly whacked my head just to wake me up and keep me going and fought my battles for me when I was too tired to do it myself. They are the ones who continuously pray, hope and wish for my happiness and well-being more than I, myself, do. They are the ones who are rooting for this relationship to work. Who cares about naysayers when we have well-wishers like them?


Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Emotional Dependency, Neediness and Clinginess

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

There is an upside to being needy and clingy. A number of studies conducted separately by different psychologists - from Adelphi University, Gettysburg College, Yale University, University of Wisconsin, Leuven University and Pennsylvania State - summarized by Benedict Carey (New York Times, 2007) prove it.

According to these studies:

  • In milder forms, dependency can come across as an annoying clinginess. But it can also be a protective warmth that cements romantic relationships in times of stress.
  • Dependent partners are more satisfied with each other and with their relationship than more self-sufficient ones, especially when couples are struggling.
  • Dependent traits buffer the relationships in times of crisis. Afraid of losing the relationship, “individuals high on dependency may actually behave in a more positive way to their partner, like being more complying, being more loving.” (Bénédicte Lowyck, Leuven University)
  • There are three distinct varieties of dependent behavior patterns: 1) Submissiveness (“I don’t have what it takes to be a good leader” or “I am easily downed in an argument”); 2) Exploitability (“I am afraid of hurting people’s feelings” or “I do things that are not in my best interest in order to please others”); and 3) Love dependency, based on a longing for social connection (“Being isolated from others is bound to lead to unhappiness” or “After a fight with a friend, I must make amends as soon as possible”).
  • It is this love dependency that is the most adaptive. “These are people that form very strong attachments, who are not happy unless surrounded by friends and family” and least likely to stumble over their own anxieties.

Thus, having a needy and clingy partner is, in fact, not necessarily detrimental to the relationship. Being emotionally dependent, clingy, and needy can be healthy, too.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Annoyance

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

For the past few days, virtually everything annoys me – from not getting responses to my emails, to hearing music played too loud, to seeing work haphazardly done, to bad LAN connections, to being greeted “Happy Birthday”, to being forced to go to the dentist, to the galloping abuse of office and public trust and the inveterate folly we see daily on the news, to my allergies, to applicants who do not show up for their interviews, to the suffocating scent of perfume inside the elevator.

I wonder why.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Turning Thirty

Monday, January 14, 2008

I am turning thirty in eight days. So how does it feel to be turning thirty? Is it any different? Aside from becoming more shrewish, losing the excess fat I have had for most of my life, having fine lines under my eyes, getting more tired easily, having less tolerance for bullshit, and being loved without expectations, it actually feels the same.

Friday, January 11, 2008

happy weekend!

Friday, January 11, 2008

Happy weekend everyone!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

The Ridiculous Quest For Significance

Thursday, January 10, 2008

In Philip Roth’s The Human Stain, Coleman Silk, a renowned classics professor, age 71, with a little help from Viagra, throws himself into an intoxicatingly impassioned love affair with an emotionally battered young woman. The unimaginable beating she has taken from life, her illiteracy and inability to be formed by societal expectations make him feel liberated from ''the ridiculous quest for significance.''

Why do we have this inclination to be – or to feel – important? At the end of the day, it is not really important to be important. If you think about it, the pursuit for obscurity is less ridiculous than the quest for significance. To fade into obscurity - stripped of all the trappings of "importance" - and be significant only to those who are significant to me – is what I aim for in life.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

what we have

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

It’s like an all-enveloping current coursing through me; it a sense of permanence whose doggedness and resiliency continues to battle against whatever blocks its way; it is that all-consuming feeling everybody aches for but only a few experience and even fewer get to keep; it is something that we can anchor ourselves to, and never feel lost and unmoored again; it is rooted on shared values, beliefs and dreams; it is a sacred covenant entered into with passion and lucidity; it is lifetime oneness. It is what we have.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

UP Naming Mahal

Tuesday, January 8, 2008
UP naming mahal
Pamantasan ng bayan
Tinig ng masa
Ang siyang lagi nang pakikinggan

Malayong lupain
Di kailangang marating
Dito maglilingkod sa bayan natin
Dito maglilingkod sa bayan natin

Silangang mapula
Sagisag magpakailanman
Ating ipaglaban
Laya ng diwa't kaisipan

Humayo't itanghal
Giting, tapang at dangal
Mabuhay ang lingkod ng taong bayan
Mabuhay ang lingkod ng taong bayan!

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UP naming mahal
Pamantasang hirang
Ang tinig namin
Sana'y inyong dinggin

Malayong lupain
Amin mang marating
Di rin magbabago ang damdamin
Di rin magbabago ang damdamin

Luntian at pula
Sagisag magpakailanman
Ating ipagdiwang bulwagan ng dangal

Humayo't itanghal, giting at tapang
Mabuhay ang pag-asa ng bayan
Mabuhay ang pag-asa ng bayan

Monday, January 7, 2008

Nights Out

Monday, January 7, 2008

“Again?” That was my initial reaction when my colleagues told me that there’s another “gimmick”, a.k.a. a night of food, fun and laughter, planned for tonight. Though I want to enjoy their company, I think I’d rather go home, prepare a simple meal for myself, listen to Clive Lythgoe’s Bouquet Collection, and finish reading Tar Baby. Is this a sign of aging? It probably is. Or just plain laziness.

Nights out – they’re fun, all right. But they’re also tiring. And at times, boring. For others, spending the night out with friends is a way of unwinding. How can one unwind with all the noise, I wonder. It bothers the hell out of me. Isn’t retiring early to bed and having a good night’s sleep the best way to unwind?

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Reason to Wake

Sunday, January 6, 2008

At some point in life the world's beauty becomes enough. You don't need to photograph, paint or even remember it. It is enough. No record of it needs to be kept and you don't need someone to share it with or tell it to. When that happens - that letting go - you let go because you can. The world will always be there - while you sleep it will be there - when you wake it will be there as well. So you can sleep and there is reason to wake.

Toni Morrison, Tar Baby, 1981


Saturday, January 5, 2008

Peripeteia

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Peripeteia (Greek, Περιπέτεια)

In Aristotle’s Poetics, peripeteia is a sudden and unexpected reversal of circumstances, or turning point. According to Aristotle, “the change of fortune is an event that occurs contrary to expectations and is therefore surprising, but that nonetheless appears as a necessary outcome of the preceding actions.”

2007 was my peripeteia. The seemingly irreversible futility of my life has been reversed. The bone-crushing pain of heartache unexpectedly turned into self-accepting peace, heart-warming content and happiness. Love - previously an intangible, haunting and elusive idea, always beyond my reach – now enfolds me completely, something I can, and will, keep for the rest of my life.


Friday, January 4, 2008

the best gift i got

Friday, January 4, 2008

What was the best gift you got during the holidays? Mine is the one given by my sister, Nica. She knows I like teddy bears. She knows that one of my favorite colors is red. She knows that I like doing stuff in the kitchen. So she gave me a red apron printed with teddy bears. Only she could have thought of that - a simple yet useful gift that would really make me happy.


Thursday, January 3, 2008

December 2007 in pictures

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

we should

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

It’s been said that the unalterable law of life is that things had never been, nor could ever be much better or much worse. But still, do we allow ourselves to hope, no matter how deplorable the circumstances? Should we not allow ourselves to want things to be better, no matter the risk of disappointment or failure? We should.

 
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