One Tuesday Morning

What a morning I had yesterday!

I left Cavite around four am and arrived at the condo after two and a half hours. So I told myself, “okay, it’s still early, I’ll just lie down for a while.” I fell asleep and “a while” became and hour and a half! I was so zonked out that I didn’t even hear my phone ringing!!! And it was my boyfriend calling! I wanted to kick myself.

I was running late already but I figured, “so I’m late. Do I have to look frumpy, too?” Of course not. Not minding the clock, I rummaged through my clothes for that outfit that would go perfectly with my new shoes. The process is usually done in reverse – one chooses one’s outfit for the day then looks for shoes that would match the outfit. But then, who says I follow “the usual” way of doing things?

Halfway to the office, I remembered that I forgot to unplug the flat iron. Debating whether to go back or not, I just called the front desk and asked the person in charge to cut the power that goes to my unit. But when I got home, I realized that it was unplugged naman pala. Oh, well..

Then I arrived at work, not knowing that my morning would get even wilder. I interviewed a senior sales manager who obviously was crazier than I am. I am not one to discriminate because I, myself, am flaky and I believe that everybody is entitled to his of her own idiosyncrasies. But our applicant was totally scary-crazy deranged because of the way she answered the essay exam questions, the way she spoke, the way she looked; she mentioned ice cream thrice in her exam and twice during the interview! virtually everything about her screamed MADNESS!!

It takes one to know one.

four days without a sensible post

Four days without a sensible post. I am guilty of neglecting my blog, I know. Alibi number one: work has been toxic for the past few days; alibi number two: there is nothing interesting to write about; alibi number three: I just spent a long weekend in Cavite where there is no access to the Internet. The real reason: I have been happily preoccupied with something that holds primacy over everything else; I have been devoting my time to writing for a single audience and not for the world.

was it worth it?

“You gave your life to become the person you are right now. Was it worth it?”

- Richard Bach, One , 1989

someone's absence

This is love, isn’t it? When you notice someone’s absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even, than you love his presence?

– Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything is Illuminated

So Outdated

“I have no idea what they are talking about.” That’s the thought that entered my mind while we were having lunch several hours ago. My officemates were talking about certain characters in the Pinoy Big Brother show. Try as I could, I cannot relate with the topic or with their enthusiasm for the show. My realization was: I am so outdated.

Driving back to the office, a certain song was being played on the radio and Enrico asked Cris, “Sir, may CD ka ba nyan? Pahiram naman.” Again came the realization: I am so outdated. That’s the first time I heard that song, not knowing that it’s what’s “in” nowadays. It actually is my fault. I have limited myself to listening to music composed not later than the 19th century.

In a faintly mocking tone, they often say, “Luka-luka ka kasi. May sarili kang mundo.” I must admit, I do have a world of my own. And I like it as it is.

cadence of a summer day

“A baseball game is nothing but a great slow contraption for getting you to pay attention to the cadence of a summer day.”

- Michael Chabon, Summerland

What is it with flowers?

They say that courtship is on its way to obsolescence. But when we unexpectedly receive a bouquet of flowers, doesn’t it make us believe that romance is still alive? So what is it with flowers that make us girls go all mushy and mawkish? Why do we like flowers so much? Is it because flowers are traditional expressions of courtship and romance? Is it because flowers are an obvious display of appreciation and affection? They say flowers have their own language:

• Red roses are the traditional symbol for love and romance, and a time-honored way to say "I love you." The red rose has long symbolized beauty and perfection. A bouquet of red roses is the perfect way to express your deep feelings for someone special.


• An assorted bouquet of gerbera daisies can lift the spirit and sending one is an ideal way to brighten someone’s day.


• Sunflowers are the happiest of flowers, and their meanings include loyalty and longevity. They are unique in their ability to provide energy in the form of nourishment and vibrance, an attribute which mirrors the sun and the energy provided by its heat and light.


• If you're looking to leave butterflies in their tummies, choose tulips and watch them blush. Wildly popular throughout its history, tulips are a comfortable flower choice and one that expresses perfect love.

But then, do they have to have meaning for us to love them? The sheer beauty of flowers is reason enough, isn’t it?

honey, do you remember...

I was having this “Honey, do you remember when you said….” conversation with my boyfriend when I realized I am not burying painful memories anymore. Instead, we, as a couple, are reliving happy memories that embody our love and take us to the fulfillment of our dreams.

What Renders Your Beloved Beautiful?

Look then at the faces and bodies of people you love. The explicit beauty that comes not from smoothness of skin or neutrality of expression, but from the web of experience that has left its mark. Each face, each body is its own living fossilized record. A record of cats, combatants, difficult births; of accidents, cruelties, blessings. Reminders of folly, greed, indiscretion, impatience. A moment of time, of memory, preserved internalized, and enshrined within and upon the body. You need not be told that these records are what render your beloved beautiful.

-Stephanie Kallos, Broken for You

Bound Copies

Today I submitted five bound copies of four years of arduous toil - my master’s thesis. Finally.

Looking at it, I don’t see pages and chapters combined to form a cohesive whole called my thesis. What I see are years of frustration over a daunting task, days spent worrying if it will ever get done, countless nights spent in obsessive writing and rewriting, and intermittent periods spent doing nothing but wallowing in panglossian complacency – all bound together.

to allow mystery

“To allow mystery, which is to say to yourself, ‘There could be more, there could be things we don’t understand,’ is not to damn knowledge. It is to take a wider view. It is to permit yourself an extraordinary freedom: someone else does not have to be wrong in order that you may be right.”

Barry Lopez, Of Wolves and Men

october in pictures

soneto de amor

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

- by Pablo Neruda, XVII, Cien sonetos de amor

Women are Complicated

The Wheel Has Turned

Something has changed.

I was with my beloved mares, Hazel and Leah last Saturday at Alabang Town Center. Lunching on salad, ribs, pasta, fries, and mushrooms for three hours and having coffee for another five hours, we were able to update each other on what’s happening in our lives. All throughout, I was sensing that something has changed. The substance of our stories has changed. We now view life in a different way. When before we dread the future, we now embrace it like wide-eyed children who cannot wait to open their gifts. Apprehension and skepticism have given way to hope and optimism. We used to dread turning 30; now we believe that life begins at 30!

The wheel has turned.

I wonder what has brought the change. Was it a sudden, jolting shift or a slow, subtle transition? Is it because we are now more in control of our lives and know exactly what we want? Is it a direct consequence of “maturity?” Is it because Hazel is about to walk down the aisle and into the loving arms of her bulate? Is it because Leah is about to open her heart and let somebody new in? Is it because the man I’ve been waiting for all my life is finally here?

The wheel has turned.

Taga Baguio Ka Isu?

1. taga-baguio laeng iti makaammu iti original nga kulay ti pader iti maharlika ken marbay.... nu dayu, kuna da nga napinturan iti nalabbaga....hehehe… handa ammu ma-ma gayam...

2. paboritong expression "wen ya!!!"

3. mahilig iti polo nga stripes and checked (long sleeve pay) uray aglingling-it ket madi da nga ikkaten...

4. uray pangkis iti medyas...ayos latta

5. haan ka nga taga-baguio nu haan mu nga ammu diay infamous nga "nova lodge".

6. haan ka nga taga-baguio nu haan mu nga ammu nga adda iti outbreak...

7. wash and wear style

8. naangseg iti burnham... kasatnu pagisbuan iti nababartek.. ..nu malpas ket pag-iddaan pay iti turista..hehehe

9. hindi ka taga-baguio kung nawala cellphone mo...

10. lastly, sa mga taga baguio na hindi pa nakakaalam na ang session road ay napalitan na ng pangalan, ang bagong pangalan ay "muslim road"


11. haan ka nga tigadtoy nu han mu nga malagip ti "labus angels" or " labo's angels" idyay pinagtakderan iti concrete x-mas tree idyay session

12. basta naka "leather jacket, friends forever!" ya!

13. nu malpas ti shot ket awan ti pagtaxi ibaga da intayo ag-ghost hunting .. gayam magmagna agawid...

14. awanin ti session theatre! santo haan nga inaldaw ti panag digus.. nyahaha! naglammingamin!

15. taga-baguio ka nu nabilib ka ket ibagam nga "ay-yu ya! dayta ah!! gemays!!!" hehehe…

16. nu mangmangan ka strawberries. ....haan ka taga ditoy…. ta haan mo ammu nagtubuan na ken ayna nangalaan da ti pinag-sibug da ijay.. wehehehe… ---balili creek! toinks toinks

17. han ka taga baguio nu han mu ammu ti batawa nyahahahahaha. intako mandance-dance id sidi ya!!!!! –ijay dance floor paylang ket nateng ti topic yo enya hehee

18. haan ka nga taga-baguio nu han mu ammu iti tawag da idyay ayan ti sm tatta... hehehe... intako agkibin- kibin idyay nasipnget nga parti...

19. haan ka nga taga-baguio nu han mu ammu nga kadwan dagiti jeep nga apan trinidad ken apan jay north nga ada terminal o nu sardengen tuy baguio ket country, ken ti no.1 bars ditoy ket jay bokawkan han nga ijay legarda. ken ti no.1 fm station ditoy baguio ket 99.9

20. kaaduan nga taga-baguio ket chow da ti dogie.. intako man chow ed comiles… hehehehe… naimas den pulutan da isdi…

21. paboritong expression "wen ya!!!"... "aw adi"… y nas d"

22. han ka nga taga-baguio nu han mu ammu jay tam-awan village... balay ti tam-awan u..hehehe

23. han ka nga taga-baguio nu sobra ka nga ag-ayat ti artista... uray samet agpapansin ti artista ditoy ket deadma da latta...

24. han ka nga taga baguio nu han mo ammo daytoy.... uray butbot pantalon ko bastalevi's...

25. han ka nga taga baguio nu han mo amu nga jay dati nga nagtatakderan jay centermall ita ket dati nga 'burn area'…

26. ti taga-baguio kaaduwan nga nagapwan ti taraki nga badu da ket wag-wag nga selection.

27. han ka nga taga-baguio nu ti amum ket kayo ti pagbungaan ti sayote..

28. haan ka nga taga-baguio nu apan ka diyay burnham tapno agpapicture dagidyay photographers idyay... gusto mong magpakuha? may digicam na ngayon uy!

29. han ka nga taga-baguio nu madim amo ti usar na ti side a ken side b ti underwear. ayu ket nagbagyo garud!

30. han ka nga taga-baguio nu agpara ka ket ibagam "ma, dyan lang sa tabi". weirdo, ket apay in-nam data driver?

31. han ka nga taga-baguio nu naka shorts ka ken nagpuskol ti jacket mo ken nakabonnet ka iti baguio city. ayu data a!

32. han kan nga taga-baguio nu ibagam nga "kawawa naman" iti pinikpikan nga manok. naimas ti sabaw nga kadwa iti shot! hwahahaha...kawawa nga?!!!

33. haan ka taga-baguio nu madim amu nga ti number 1 nga in-inumin ti aartek ditoy ket gin latta ah ken 4x4 pay laeng..inggana maibusan..santu sigarilyo ket hope nu saan ket winston..haan kadi?

34. haan ka taga-baguio nu han mo nga amu nu ayan na idi jay chapparal…. malagep mo pay jay “sabon ken batya”…. ken ti makitam iti kab-cabaret ket mga bhd inspektor nayunam pay ti pupulis… wheehehee

35. han ka nga taga-baguio nu haan mo nga amo nga ti number 1 tambayan idi ti high school students ket jay assumption road ta ada pay idi jay frb building, fire’s place ken girl’s high idi idjay…

36. han nga taga-baguio nu han mo nga ammo ti benedict’s place, nasukatanen ti jet bookstore idjay session…. idjay ti naimas nga aginum idi, adan ti chicks ada pay ti gulo… tatta ket jay nevada’s square aminen, gulo ken chicks, hehehe…

37. han ka nga taga-baguio nu haan mo nga ammo ti hokkee ti paginuman ti medical students nga artek… di ba doc? le fondue ti paginuman ti artist kuno ken nahilig ti acoustic… ken ayuyang ti paginuman ti nahilig ti reggae… tapos nu nabarbartek ka ket agpamawmaw ka jay 456 (lomi adi) ken jay terminal (goto to the max!)

38. han ka taga-baguio nu haan mo nga ammo nga ti sayote ket maka-high blood…. inya, sayote manen ti sida tayo!!!! inyametten!!! aahhhh!!!

39. han ka nga taga-baguio nu han mo nga ammo ti number 1 nga sports ket bilyar ken tong-its…. pustaan pay ket gin manen

(reposted from http://inspire.typepad.com/01/Baguio.html)

The One

Having been used to all conversation mired in obfuscation and prevarication, meeting somebody who is pure and true can be totally overwhelming.

Aching with unabashed hopes and unassuaged dreams he found me. My beau ideal, the someone I can to talk to, the one who answered my invitation - he who loves me without expectations and with every fiber of his being has finally arrived.

All is well in the world.

104 Days to Go!

This is the first time in my entire life that I am looking forward to my birthday. Never did I imagine that turning 30 could be this great.

The mere fragrance of clove in spiced tea can set you weeping and howling

This is what happens to people who cease to dream and take risks:

“Survive long enough and you get to a far off point where nothing else of particular interest is going to happen. After that, if you don’t watch out, you can spend all your time tallying your losses and gains in endless narrative. All you love has fled or been taken away. Everything fallen from you except the possibility of jolting and unforwarned memory springing out of the dark, rushing over you with the velocity of heartbreak. May walking down the hall humming an old song-” The Girl I Left Behind Me”- or the mere fragrance of clove in spiced tea can set you weeping and howling when all you’ve been for weeks on end is numb.” By Charles Frazier, 13 Moons

We dared to risk everything. We fell in love. And now, one by one our dreams are coming true.

Cultural Transformation, Political Democracy and Human Development

Ming-Chang Tsai (2002), examining the influence of political democracy on human development, asserts that.

Increased inclusion of the masses in politics exposes the relative social disadvantages of poor groups. Eckstein (1984) maintained that the potential benefits from increasing access to schooling, job markets, and political participation are likely to be impeded because both the material constraints and a submissive authority culture of the lower class sustained their subordination vis-à-vis the affluent class.

The above argument implies that cultural transformation is necessary in order to achieve human development through political democracy. For the full attainment of human development, how, then, is cultural transformation along with the adoption of values consistent with and supportive of democratic politics possible?

The political participation of the masses may be restrained due to their poverty and their “submissive” tendency towards the affluent class. Material constraints and the subordination of the poor by the affluent impede them from benefiting from the advantages of democratization such as improved access to education, health and employment opportunities.

The stressful situation and frustrated outcomes for the inclusion of the general population, mentioned by Ming-Chan Tsai (2002) using the argument of Eckstein (1984), do occur across nations. For instance, a “submissive authority culture” permeates Philippine society. David Wurfel (1998) points out that the largest portion of the Filipino population has a “subject” rather than a “participant” orientation towards politics and society. While there is some level of political awareness, there is also widespread acceptance and passivity among Filipinos, thus viewing themselves as powerless subjects “whose lives are directed by political processes above them.” (Jackson 1997: 125)

An article written by Randolf David (2002), entitled “The Powerless Public” addresses the “submissive authority culture” of the poor vis-à-vis the rich in the Philippines. He discussed how those “who have money, power and technology go about their daily business, completely unmindful of the effects they create on the life circumstances of others” (p. 145) while the poor who are adversely affected resort to private coping mechanisms which do not address the real problems of living in an increasingly complex society. (p. 146)

A powerless public cannot be the wellspring of meaningful political participation. Unaccustomed to and hardly capable of addressing public issues, the masses are not likely to treat any democratic exercise – elections for instance – as opportunities for discerning and advancing public good. Besides, “having a democratic constitution and a complete set of democratic institutions is not the same thing as having a functioning democracy” (Camposano 1995: 2) that builds an enabling environment for human development. Our country may possess the formal institutions of democracy but we have yet to acquire the values and dispositions that are necessary to make political democracy work. A way for democracy to work towards human development is through good governance and building a civic culture through the accumulation of social capital – learning to trust and cooperate, active collaboration with others based on the recognition of common interests and collective instead of individual benefits, implementing effective poverty alleviation programs that empower the poor and having a strong civil society that facilitate social interaction and active participation in the economic, social and political affairs of the country.

happy, happy, happy

happy, happy, happy. that is what i am right now. overflowing with happiness.

damsel in distress

It’s funny how we advocate women’s rights, call for gender equality, fight for female independence and empowerment and yet still act like damsels in distress waiting to be rescued by our knights in shining armor. What’s even funnier is that we don’t even need to be rescued. We can damn well do what needs to be done – on our own. We just like to know and feel that there is somebody out there willing to rescue us.

the world seen through the eyes of love

They became part of that unreal but penetrating and exciting universe which is the world seen through the eyes of love. The sky stuck to them; the birds sang through them. And, what was even more exciting, she felt, too, as she saw Mr Ramsay bearing down and retreating, and Mrs Ramsay sitting with James in the window and the cloud moving and the tree bending, how life, from being made up of little separate incidents which one lived one by one, became curled and whole like a wave which bore one up and threw one down with it, there, with a dash on the beach.

- Virginia Woolf, To the Lighthouse

preparing for loss

Loss and leaving have always been the conditions of her life. But when can she ever get accustomed to it? How can she prepare herself for the possibility that he can vanish without a trace into the great unknown, leaving her wondering if everything was just a dream?

her answer

“Their Question: What’s a smart person like you talking to a crass and uncouth person like him?”

Her Answer: Who says I’m smart? I'm just as crass and uncouth as he is.

nothing mysterious

“And don’t tell me God works in mysterious ways.” Yossarian continued, hurtling on over her objection. “There’s nothing mysterious about it. He’s not working at all. He’s playing. Or else He’s forgotten all about us. That’s the kind of God you people talk about–a country bumpkin, a clumsy, bungling, brainless, conceited, uncouth hayseed. Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatalogical mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements? Why in the world did He ever create pain?”

From Catch-22 by Joseph Heller

to describe happiness is to diminish it

After being down in the dumps for quite some time, I never knew I can be this happy again. Writing about pain and loneliness came very easy to me. But describing moments like this – moments that take my breath away – I cannot find the words. Perhaps there is truth to what has been said before: to describe happiness is to diminish it.

Lust for Books

“She herself was a victim of that lust for books which rages in the breast like a demon, and which cannot be stilled save by the frequent and plentiful acquisition of books. This passion is more common, and more powerful, than most people suppose. Book lovers are thought by unbookish people to be gentle and unworldly, and perhaps a few of them are so. But there are others who will lie and scheme and steal to get books as wildly and unconscionably as the dope-taker in pursuit of his drug. They may not want the books to read immediately, or at all; they want them to possess, to range on their shelves, to have at command. They want books as a Turk is thought to want concubines — not to be hastily deflowered, but to be kept at their master’s call, and enjoyed more often in thought than in reality. Solly was in a measure a victim of this unscrupulous passion, but Freddy was wholly in the grip of it.”

- Robertson Davis, Tempest-Tost

Questions and Answers

My 12-year old sister, my friends, my boss, even my mother – everyone thinks that I’m crazy. And they have all the reason to believe so. They ask questions that tacitly - and sometimes outrightly - indicate how “unconventional” I am. A lot of times I just shrug it off to make it a non-issue but sometimes I find it necessary to justify my person and why I lean more towards madness than sanity.

Their Question: Why do you always wear those short skirts?
My Answer: Because in this heat, I feel more comfortable in them than in pants. You should wear one too; it will make you less cranky.

Their Question: Why do you doubt that He exists?
My Answer: If you can tell me – with all clarity and conviction - why you believe that He exists, then I’ll tell you why I’m being doubtful.

Their Question: Why do you like older men? Why can’t you date people your own age?
My Answer: Because I find guys my own age not only terribly immature but absolutely infantile.

Their Question: Why do you listen to that kind of music? It makes us fall asleep!
My Answer: Because I cannot bear to listen to that you’re listening to.

Their Question: Why are you talking to yourself?
My Answer: Because I feel like it.

Their Question: Why can’t you stop studying? Don’t you get tired of it?
My Answer: Because for me, the pursuit of knowledge is a lifetime thing.

Their Question: Why aren’t you married yet? Aren’t you lonely being single?
My Answer: When you’re not married, it doesn’t mean you aren’t happy; Marriage doesn’t guarantee happiness.

Their Question: Why are you dancing? There’s no music!
My Answer: Because I feel like dancing. I’m dancing to the music in my head.

Their Question: Why are you so OC (obsessive-compulsive)?
My Answer: Because I can’t help it!

Their Question: Why are you so affected by what’s happening out there?
My Answer: Because I love my country and I take to heart everything that happens to it.

Their Question: Why don’t you go out, meet some boys and have fun instead of spending your nights reading?
My Answer: Because your idea of fun is way different from mine.